


Cards Against Gotham

by boy1dr



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, F/F, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Trans Dick Grayson, batfamily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boy1dr/pseuds/boy1dr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some nights, when they all need to unwind, the Batkids get together and play Cards Against Humanity. </p><p>Based on an anonymous tumblr prompt!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cards Against Gotham

Tim struggled to keep a straight face as he read the black card out loud. 

“If all else fails, I can always masturbate to...” He stopped to shuffle through the white cards in his hand. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me. ‘Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon’? You guys are sick. ‘Panda sex’? Great. Never needed to know that one. ‘Masturbation.’ WOW, WHAT A SURPRISE.” He sighed and looked around the table. Damian had long since run away, claiming he was Too Ace for This (and also ten), so it was just Dick, Tim, Jason, Steph, Cass, and Babs now. He was pretty sure there was a shot of whiskey in the cup of “tea” Babs was drinking. 

“‘Hormone injections’--DICK! Seriously?” 

“What? I like being on T!” Dick shrugged, flashing a grin in Tim’s direction. 

“And the winner is…” Tim said, pausing for dramatic effect, “VIGILANTE JUSTICE! Come get your black card, you pervert.” 

Cass burst out laughing as Steph reached out to take the card. 

“Yep, because I totally needed to know that much about my ex’s sex life,” Tim said as Steph and Cass high-fived. 

“What? She’s hot!” Steph said. "Plus, don’t pretend you don’t know about my sex life, boyfriend.” 

Jason snickered. 

“Okay, I’m the card czar,” Babs said, taking another long sip of tea. She drew the black card and read aloud. “What’s the most emo?” 

Dick barely tilted his head towards Jason. Tim struggled to stifle his laughter as Jason turned to glare at both of them. There was sparse giggling as the other Batkids each drew a card and looked through their cards. Tim leaned over to whisper something in Dick’s ear, and Dick snickered quietly. 

Before long, Cass flicked her card towards the center, and Jason slammed his down on the table with a resounding thunk. Dick, Tim, and Steph played theirs next, almost simultaneously. 

“Everybody played?” Babs asked. The others all nodded. Babs picked up the cards and rifled through them, considering her options. She burst out laughing suddenly, and then spoke. 

“Okay! So, the options for ‘What’s the Most Emo’ are as follows. ‘My relationship status’. I’M ARO. I don’t CARE. ‘My sex life.’” 

Jason, Cass, and Dick started snickering. 

“I will hack everyone here’s instagram, and you  _ know _ I can,” Babs said, glaring at the whole table.  “‘Darth Vader.’ Good contender!  ‘Nickleback.’ That’s fair. However, the winner is...” Dick and Cass beat a drum roll on the table. “‘BATMAN!!!’” 

“Thank you, thank you,” Jason said, mock-bowing as he grabbed the card. 

“And the card czar passes to me,” Steph said as everyone drew new cards. “All shall love me and despair!” Cass leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. 

“And the black card is,” Steph said, “Blank, bet you can’t have just one!”

At some point between turns, Dick and Jason had scooted over so Tim was pressed between them in a boyfriend sandwich. Dick reached over to turn Tim’s cards so he could see them better, and Tim slapped his hand away. 

“Ow!” Dick said, giving Tim a hurt look. 

“You broke a rib like three months ago and didn’t even tell us.  I smacked your hand. You’ll survive,” Tim said. 

Dick pouted, but went back to picking a card. 

Before long, everyone had played, and Steph went to look at the answers. She started giggling almost immediately, barely able to stop long enough to read the cards. 

“Okay. So.” She giggled again, then caught herself. “‘My collection of high-tech sex toys, bet you can’t have just one!’ Accurate. ‘Civilian casualties, bet you can’t have just one!’ Oh that’s DARK.” 

Tim shrugged. 

“‘Dick fingers, bet you can’t have just one!’’” 

“THAT’S WHAT JASON SAID LAST NIGHT!” Dick yelled almost immediately. Tim facepalmed. Jason winked. Steph, unruffled, kept reading. 

“Heartwarming orphans, bet you can’t have just one!” 

“Who let Bruce play?” Cass asked. Babs choked on her tea. 

“Ooooh, and last but certainly not least, our winner! ‘Dead parents, bet you can’t have just one!’” Everyone groaned simultaneously. 

“Who the FUCK--” Jason started, and cut off suddenly as he saw Dick reaching for the black card. 

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you play the game,” Dick said, grinning. 

“I hate you,” Tim said. 

Dick smirked. “Love you too.” 


End file.
